


A Series of Awkward Situations

by VampireHydeFTW



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 05:44:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13117275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireHydeFTW/pseuds/VampireHydeFTW
Summary: Kaoru had never liked Toshiya much, he was loud, out spoken and different but that was just fine; Toshiya didn't like Kaoru either and was quite content to just carry on avoiding him. That was until one day that no longer becomes an option and the whole dynamic of their relationship began to change.





	A Series of Awkward Situations

            Kaoru considered himself a fair man, which was why he had let his employees make their own committee to plan the staff's Christmas party. He had promised very little involvement from himself, just as long as he was kept well aware of the plans. This was how he had ended up one Thursday afternoon with a list of names on his desk; the staff members who were taking responsibility and representing each department. He smiled, surprised to see Shinya's name there. He was normally quiet and shy from what he had seen of him. Though if he recalled correctly Shinya was currently studying for an accounting degree in a local college to better himself. It was this kind of initiative any company loved and perhaps the reason his department had nominated him.

            It wasn't a surprise to find the next name on the list was Daisuke's, or as he preferred to be called, Die. He was a friendly man who was popular and often went the extra mile for those around him. He was the perfect example of the kind of staff member Kaoru had expected to volunteer, as were many others, though his eyebrow raised when he saw Kyo's name. Why was he there? He hated this kind of thing, the only staff member he seemed to be friendly with at all was Shinya. That was right. They had gone to school together and Kyo was protective of his shy friend. Well that explained it.

            Toshiya, Kaoru read with a groan. Of course _he_ would volunteer. He had known the moment he had made this offer that he would have to work with the man who rubbed every nerve the wrong way. Toshiya was friendly, confident and bubbly which was all very well, but he was also homosexual, which was a problem.

            Kaoru believed in traditional marriage between men and women. He accepted that same sex relationships could exist and turned a blind eye to them. He would never have a homosexual friend and he would never support gay rights. Though he wouldn't persecute a man for being gay either. He could work with them, joke with them, talk to them at a company party, but they would never be more than a work colleague or casual acquaintance. He firmly believed that gay antics should be kept quiet, in the privacy of peoples’ own homes and not forced into his life.

            Toshiya obviously didn't share any of his feelings, choosing to flaunt his sexuality for all to see with obscene jokes, playful flirting and stories of his conquests. Kaoru had more than once walked past Toshiya's desk to overhear graphic descriptions of what he had been up to the night before and they agitated him every single time. It had been a pleasure to give him a verbal warning after a co-worker complained about Toshiya harassing him, though Kaoru knew Toshiya had only been messing about. He just didn't like him. Perhaps then he wasn't as fair as he thought. The fact Toshiya had lowered him to this level bugged him even more.

            “No helping it.” Kaoru muttered as he picked up a pad of paper and headed to the meeting room to listen to the staff's plans. Sometimes you had to work with people you didn't like. That was just part of life.

 

            Toshiya had thought he would love planning the party. It was his dream to be an event organiser and this was perfect experience. He'd been delighted to find his close friend Die was there. He always joked that Die was his boyfriend, though nobody believed him. It was well known Die preferred women when it came to the bedroom. Die was cool though, they always had a laugh together.

            Taking on the role of chairman, he was just picking up the whiteboard pen when Kaoru entered the room. His heart sank and his smile became forced. He hated his boss, who was always watching him like a crazed man with a crush, or whatever the opposite of that was. Kaoru hated him, which was probably why he was always moody and bad tempered whenever he saw him. Like he had a permanent stick up his ass. Toshiya would happily place one there if there wasn't, the Office Manager was hot enough that he might even enjoy it. Though he was probably no better than a sex doll. He could do so much better.

            “Don't mind me. I'm just going to sit here and take some notes.” Kaoru commented and feeling a little on edge now Toshiya wrote some keywords on the whiteboard to discuss, starting with the location. He let everyone have their turn to make a suggestion which they discussed and then he asked Shinya to get some estimates for the price of the top few. Screw Kaoru, he was going to be the best committee chairman that the company had ever seen.

            Leading the meeting through catering ideas and decoration Toshiya found his gaze falling on Kaoru again and again. The man actually looked relaxed for once, scribbling the occasional notes but leaving the meeting to flow without his influence. Had he meant it then? Unless they planned something stupid they could do as they liked? He knew better than to push the man, but habits were hard to break.

            “Now for the male strippers.” Toshiya announced with a cocky smile.

            “Oh! I'll do it. You and me man!” Die volunteered, making everyone laugh, everyone except Kaoru who had a face of thunder.

            “I don't think the budget goes that far,” One of the women said, her name forgotten to Toshiya, though she was smiling.

            “Have some sympathy for my eyes!” Kyo complained.

            “There will be no strippers, of either gender.” Kaoru interrupted. His first contribution to the meeting.

            “Dude relax, he was joking,” Die defended Toshiya. “It's Christmas, time for fun and games.”

            “Christmas is a romantic holiday for adults, and a time for gifts and toys for children. You will not make this perverted.” Kaoru threatened, his message clear to Toshiya who had experienced homophobia before 'You will not make this homosexual' was what Kaoru was implying, though nobody else in the room seemed to have caught on.

            “Oh! We should have a photographer going around taking pictures of happy couples.” A woman named Mina suggested, saving the meeting from turning bad.

            “We could,” Toshiya consented, not feeling too happy about it. Who did he have in his life to share such a photo with? Yeah right, like Kaoru would allow gay couples to attend the party anyway.

 

            As the weekly Christmas Committee meetings went by, Kaoru's tolerance levels for Toshiya grew. He didn't like the man, but he was becoming less irritating and genuinely cared about the project. He believed in giving credit where it was due and Toshiya was a good leader.

            “Hey!” Toshiya said brightly as he stepped into the lift, his smile so false that Kaoru inwardly squirmed. Why did this man insist on being friendly when they both knew that they hated each other?

            “You seem cheerful,” Kaoru commented as the lift doors shut and they began the descent to the ground floor. Another long day over, it couldn't come too soon. “Shouldn't you have finished three hours ago? It's gone eight.”

            “Yeah well, I got carried away with a project and then, well then it was eight.” Toshiya admitted. A common habit of a graphics designer, though Kaoru hadn't expected him to be this dedicated.

            “Do you stay late often?” He asked, curious now.

            “I'd say so, but I oversleep a lot too. It balances out.” Toshiya declared. Had he honestly just admitted that he was often late to work? Deciding to let this one slide, as he had just worked three hours without pay, Kaoru gave him a nod and returned to staring at the mirror. He looked so tired, especially next to Toshiya who had an unlimited amount of energy, but he still managed a professional appearance.

            Suddenly the lift shook and stopped, making Toshiya scream and cling against the wall, his happy smile gone in an instant. With some concern Kaoru tried pressing the button for the ground floor again, but got no response. It was only as the lift shook again that he realised what must have happened.

            “Earthquake, must have knocked out a power cable or something.” Kaoru replied, giving Toshiya a look that was half concern and half scorn. Was he really that scared of a lift shutting down?

            “What if it knocks out more?” He worried.

            “We die,” Kaoru replied bluntly, pulling out his phone and calling the number on the panel to request help. He gave the address and details calmly, ignoring the few aftershocks and hung up. “Half an hour. And it's already over, so you can get your sweaty hands of the glass now.”

            “Shut up!” Toshiya snapped. Remembering who he was talking to he added, “Sorry, what I mean is, just leave me alone. OK?”

            “Sure,” Kaoru agreed, rolling his eyes and going through a few of his emails. By the time he was done, Toshiya still looked worried but he had let go of the wall.

            “I didn't mean to snap at you, I'm just scared of heights.” Toshiya confessed.

            “It's been a long day,” Kaoru sighed. “I ignored your confession to being late, didn't I?”

            “Have you though?” Toshiya asked. “I'm such an idiot.”

            “That we can agree on.” Kaoru replied, checking his watch, still over twenty minutes to go. This was going to be a long wait.

            “You really dislike me, don't you?” Toshiya asked. “Just because I'm gay? That's hardly fair you know.”

            “Not just because you're gay,” Kaoru said, well he wasn't supposed to have confessed to that, but it was too late now. “Because you brag about it and throw it in everyone's faces. All the time.”

            “So I'm a flirt, big deal.” Toshiya scoffed.

            “And a slut,” Kaoru added. Now the topic had been started he seemed unable to hold back. “Sitting in the canteen going on and on about your latest conquest. It's all you seem to talk about, when you're not searching for your next.”

            “That's not fair.” Toshiya said, he was angry now and even Kaoru couldn't blame him. He was saying too much, but he couldn't seem to stop.

            “I wasn't aware you knew the concept of too much,” Kaoru replied with a raised eyebrow, part of him was thrilled at this exchange, he couldn't wait to hear what Toshiya might say to defend himself.

            “So I hook up sometimes, sue me.” Toshiya replied, a challenge in his eyes now. “Some of those 'conquests' as you put it are with the same guy. I'm just sharing my life with my friends. They don't mind and you could just stop listening in. Perhaps then you'd hear some of the filth others say about women. I'm far from the slutiest man in this office. You only care because it's men who suck off my cock.” 

            “It's not natural,” Kaoru tried to protest.

            “Really? Monkeys have gay sex, cats, dogs, horses. dozens of animals.” Toshiya explained, it was clear he'd had this argument before but then so had Kaoru.

            “They don't have the intelligence to understand how perverted the act is,” Kaoru replied. “Dolphins have been known to have sex with humans, humans are the ones to blame, humans have the intelligence to know better.”

            “So, it's a choice? Is that what you're implying?” Toshiya asked. “If it's a choice to be gay, then it's a choice to be straight. You're telling me you repress your homosexual desires?”

            “Not every man has that perversion.” Kaoru said, feeling his cheeks heating up as Toshiya's words hit a little too close to the mark.

            “I think you do. I think you hate me because I represent the part of yourself that you hate.” Toshiya challenged, his arms landing either side of Kaoru's body, pinning him to the wall.

            “You're just annoying, no need to get a big head.” Kaoru scoffed as Toshiya's lips hit his, breaking yet another wall inside him. Against his own judgement he angrily kissed the man, allowing him to invade his space and grind against him. Oh, this felt good, it made him feel things he had never thought he could. Disgusted with himself he pushed Toshiya away. Only now he'd had a taste of those lips he realised he needed more.

            “Is this what you like, slut?” Kaoru demanded as he pushed Toshiya face first against the mirror he'd been clinging against earlier. His crotch, embarrassingly hard, rubbing desperately against Toshiya.

            “Kaoru,” Toshiya stammered as his boss's fingers dug into his hips, pulling him backwards as he was dry humped. “Stop it! You've made your point.”

            “Like you want me to stop!” Kaoru snarled, his anger and sexual frustration spurring him on. Who knew what he was capable of had Toshiya not whimpered. A pathetic, quiet sound, that his ears just picked up. Startled he let the man go, retreating to his corner cursing whatever had come over him. What kind of man sexually harassed one of his employees in a broken lift? There was no denying that was what he had done and as he glanced at Toshiya and saw him almost as scared as he had been when the lift broke down, guilt consumed him.

            “I'm sorry, I went too far.” Kaoru apologised, his words too little, too late.

            “It's OK, I like it rough.” Toshiya joked just as the lift shuddered and dropped half a floor, the doors finally opening on the ground floor.

            “I shouldn't have,” Kaoru began but Toshiya was already crossing the lobby and the presence of two maintenance men prevented him from saying anymore.

 

            Toshiya collapsed on a bar seat in his favourite bar, still shaken by tonight's events. He ordered a drink, and some snacks that could almost pass for dinner, and wondered what he was supposed to do now. He had never expected to get trapped with his boss, never mind everything else. Had he really confessed to his boss that he was always late? Then to argue with him and kiss him? Was he crazy?

            “You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders,” A pretty brown-haired man commented as he took the seat beside him. “Want to share?”

            “I'm fine.” Toshiya replied, giving the boy a once over, wondering what he'd be like between the sheets. Delightful, a perfect distraction. Yet he couldn't get the thought of Kaoru calling him a slut out of his head. Was he really that bad? He did sleep around, he had to admit that and he did brag about his conquests to Die. Perhaps Kaoru was right to judge him? “Just a long day.”

            “Can I buy you a drink?” The boy asked.

            “You better not, my boyfriend is the jealous type.” Toshiya warned before witnessing the quickest escape any man had ever made from him. Shaking his head he took a sip of the drink he had bought for himself, wondering what he was supposed to do now. Kaoru terrified him. On a professional level he could be fired, or close to it, just for kissing him. He had one sexual harassment complaint to his name, two might just be the end and then who would hire him? On a personal level he hated that Kaoru knew his weakness, had seen his fear in the lift, and on an emotional level he was simply scared of that pent-up anger and frustration. Either Kaoru was a seriously closeted gay, or he really detested him. He couldn't help but feel it had to be the second.

            He went home early, getting little sleep as he worried about the committee meeting the next day and arrived at work bright and early, but with a headache that was almost as bad as a hangover.

Falling into his seat he turned on his computer and checked his email, groaning as he saw the invite to a meeting with Kaoru at ten. The invite was brief, requesting he came for a talk and a joke about the meeting being at ten because he couldn't be trusted to arrive at nine. He was so fired, it wasn't even funny. He accepted the invite, if only so Kaoru could see he was in the office twenty minutes early and collapsed back in his chair. What was the point of working if he was already fired?

            The hour passed slowly, especially as he refused to work and didn't feel like talking. Several times he considered just walking out and wondered if that would that be better or worse than being fired? Finally it was time and he headed to the stairs and ran up to the top floor. No way was he taking that lift again.

            “He's ready for you now.” Kaoru's assistant informed him and with a nervous nod he entered the office, politely bowing to Kaoru before taking the seat across the desk. He wasn't going to make this easy for the boss. Kaoru invited him here and so Kaoru had to lead.

            “Good morning Toshiya. Nice to see you arrived at work early this morning,” Kaoru commented in a calm and professional manner. “Especially after working so late. It's nice to see such commitment from my employees.”

            “I couldn't sleep,” Toshiya admitted, as he stared at a slight smudge on the polished desk.

            “That makes two of us,” Kaoru admitted. “Well I'll keep this brief. I've been impressed with your work on the committee. Do you enjoy leading it?”

            “I do.” Toshiya admitted. Why was Kaoru being so cruel? Couldn't he just be fired and then go home to his nice inviting bed? Perhaps his vibrator would help him unwind. That wasn't sluty, was it?

            “It's brought out your best qualities,” Kaoru continued, “Which is why I want to ask you to lead a new marketing project that has come up.”

            “You're promoting me?” Toshiya stammered.

            “It's more of a trial,” Kaoru replied. “But there will be a pay rise.”

            “Why?” Toshiya stammered, but then he figured it out. Kaoru had slammed him against a wall. He'd been physically attacked in that lift. Only he had been too focused on his own crimes to really think about it. He was used to lovers being rough with him, he hadn't been joking when he said he enjoyed it. “Is this a bribe? To keep me quiet?”

            “Yes,” Kaoru admitted. “Can you be bought?”

            “You said yourself last night, I'm cheap and easy.” Toshiya said with a cocky smile. He could feel his old confidence returning now. He had the power after all.

            “I don't remember using those words.” Kaoru replied. “But yes, I did imply it, and I'm sorry.”

            “That's OK,” Toshiya said, feeling evil, “I'll accept the bribe to keep quiet. That incident is forgotten. Only, your words hurt me. How are you going to make those better?”

            “I was hoping the compliments on your work would help.” Kaoru said with a nervous smile, though he did look relieved. How much trouble could he have caused by bringing up a case against Kaoru? “I did mean them. I dislike you and I don't lie.”

            “A kiss will make them go away,” Toshiya challenged. “One that shows how much you care.”

            “I'm not going to kiss you Toshiya.” Kaoru warned but Toshiya could see the indecision, preying on it he crawled onto the desk, moving his lips closer until suddenly his boss pulled him across the desk, papers and pens flying off the sides, and then they were kissing. It wasn't like the lift, this wasn't angry, just desperate, the kiss of a man who had spent his entire life in the closet, hating his own sexuality, unable to accept it was even there.

            As Kaoru's tongue brushed against his lips he parted them. Letting his boss in and enjoying the sensations as their tongues met, the strength Kaoru possessed. He would make an excellent lover, Toshiya could accept that now he felt he had a chance. The kiss broke with both men panting for air, and clearly shocked Kaoru fell back into his chair, staring at the man kneeling on his desk, his lips reddened from the force of their kiss.

            “It's not a choice Kaoru,” Toshiya said, knowing this time Kaoru would believe him, “Sometimes, when I was younger, I wished with my heart and soul I could be straight. That I could be normal. But it doesn't work like that. Gay is gay, and that's what I am. It's not bad, it's not perverted, it's just a natural way of life.”

            “I wanted a wife,” Kaoru confessed, “A couple of children, gender didn't matter, maybe a dog or cat. Whatever made my family happy. I wanted to teach my children how to play guitar, go to parent’s day and hear how wonderfully polite and clever they were. I wanted that life.”

            “I'm sorry.” Toshiya apologised, though it wasn't his fault.

            “I've treated you terribly, haven't I?” Kaoru asked. “Hated you, but what I hate really is myself.”

            “You're far from the worst.” Toshiya reassured him removing himself from the desk and straddling Kaoru's lap, glad the chair was big enough for two. With gentle fingers he brushed Kaoru's hair away from his face and kissed him again, this time softly, sapping away the pain until nothing but warmth remained. Kaoru was giving up a lot, mentally killing off the life he had planned, but that didn't mean he wasn't gaining anything either.

            “I could help you with these feelings?” Toshiya suggested. “Learn how to handle a man?”

            “Toshiya,” Kaoru replied, his voice hesitant and full of doubt. “I don't think so.”

            “Oh?” Toshiya asked, not judging but wanting a real answer.

            “I'm not prepared to take this any further,” Kaoru apologised. “I'm sorry, I can't. It's wrong.”

            “But you enjoy it.” Toshiya objected.

            “I did, but how can I agree to this when I don't know how I feel?” Kaoru asked.

            “That's what I wanted to help you with.” Toshiya replied but knowing Kaoru wasn't going to listen he slid of his boss’s lap and began picking up the things he had knocked to the floor. So this was it? He had helped Kaoru embrace his feelings, only to be rejected? He'd rather go back to being hated, life had been easier then.

 

            The committee meetings had grown harder, in the time period Kaoru called “After Toshiya”, not easier. It was actually incredibly easy to go to meetings with someone you hated. Then all you had to do was act polite and professional and get out of there without causing a scene. Now polite could be mistaken as flirting, professional as cold and running out of there was the last thing he wanted. His body craved for Toshiya in much the same way an addict craved drugs. He wanted, no needed, more and it scared him. He no longer hated Toshiya for being gay, but for being true to himself? That Kaoru could hate.

            The emotions twisted in Kaoru as he took his seat but thankfully Shinya talking to him about the figures distracted him. This was business and business he understood. You made an offer based on the market and your company image, you accepted one on much the same terms, all the while keeping track of your financial gains, or losses.

            Putting Toshiya's offer on the table like that, he considered it fully for the first time. The gains were obvious. He'd learn what his emotions were, what it was he enjoyed. The negatives though, his image would be shot if it leaked out and Toshiya could end up getting hurt, though wasn't he already hurting him? As for financial gains, it'd be a loss. Having a partner always was, as you spent more time socialising, going out, having fun. Emotionally though? That he couldn't decide, which was the problem.

            The meeting ended and Kaoru picked up his pad, catching Toshiya's deep brown eyes watching him, wishful and full of pain. He couldn't stand that look, so he turned and walked away. He was a coward but he couldn't control the fear in his heart. Everything he had ever believed about himself, about romance, had been blown to pieces with a single kiss and he wasn't so sure he liked what had been revealed.

            He buried himself in his work, or reading in his spare time, making no attempt to move on with his life, to figure out what it was he wanted. Best just to bury his head in the sand. Life was easier that way, but it wasn't living.

            Finally the day of the winter ball came. His committee really had wanted a grand party for Christmas, surprising even someone as business minded as himself with just how cheaply they had pulled this off. Half the staff had helped with the decorations, or by providing food for the buffet and a man from HR had agreed to be the DJ. All so they could afford a luxurious hotel conference room. He'd have to stay to the very end of course, which was why he had booked a room in the hotel for himself. It wasn't like he had anyone to go home to.

            Perhaps it had been loneliness that had made him seek out Toshiya, or the fact he just couldn't ignore romance tonight. Whatever it was he found him by the drinks and gave into the sad smile that Toshiya seemed to always wear now.

            “Would you like your photo taken with me?” Kaoru asked. “Seeing as you set this all up.”

            “Sure.” Toshiya agreed, following Kaoru across the room to the romantic snow scene and joining the small queue. Making idle conversation as they waited Kaoru felt his heart begin to race. He didn't want to date Toshiya publicly, but on the sly he did. It was about time he was true to himself. It couldn't be anything worse than what he'd put them both through while living in denial.

            “Toshiya, remember that suggestion you had, when you were in my office?” Kaoru asked, the queue moving forward bringing them to the front. “I've been giving it a lot of thought. If it's still on the table I think perhaps we should test the risks and cautiously proceed.”

            “Sure,” Toshiya agreed. “Whatever is easier for you.”

            “No, easier for you,” Kaoru began but the camera man was ready for them and so they had to fall silent for the picture, where he stood with a soft smile, Toshiya's arm wrapped around him with a cheeky grin on his face. A typical pose from Toshiya, nothing suspicious but Kaoru knew that this was their first photo as a couple and it felt good.

 

            Toshiya didn't know what to make of Kaoru's offer earlier. Were they a couple? Did he just want some questions answered? Some experimentation? It sounded like progress though, so he decided to see it a good thing and just have a good time.

            “Can we talk later?” Kaoru asked. “If you don't want to stay all the way to the end of the party, tomorrow?”

            “I'll be here to the end.” Toshiya promised him, watching Kaoru leave, his heart racing like a school girl's might when seeing her crush. Spotting Die across the room he hurried over and asked him to dance, having a laugh as they always did, especially when Die grinded against his ass for a couple of seconds. It was Kaoru's jealous gaze that made him pull away and blowing Die a kiss he found Shinya and took him to the dance floor for a couple of dances, grabbing Kyo and forcing him to have some fun as well. He'd become good friends with the entire committee who had helped set up this ball and floated around the dance floor finding one member after another, until the only one left was Kaoru. Should he ask him? A tap on his shoulder surprised him and turning to find Kaoru waiting he smiled. Well finding him had been easy enough.

            “I think I'm the only one you haven't danced with tonight.” Kaoru complained and with a laugh Toshiya grabbed his hand and pulled him right to the centre, wrapping his arms around his boss's neck and doing the sexiest dance he knew. He'd got Kaoru's blood raising, but what surprised him was he hadn't been pushed away.

            “You like this?” He whispered.

            “Extremely, but enough out here.” Kaoru replied firmly.

            “Later then.” Toshiya agreed, breaking contact with his boss but continuing his dancing, enjoying the attention he was getting. He really did love a good party.

 

            Kaoru was exhausted by the time the DJ left and as he realised he would be the final one to leave, disappointment flooded through him. There was no sign of Toshiya. Maybe that was a good thing? He didn't know what to make of Toshiya's behaviour tonight. He had displayed everything that he had once hated about him; flirting, flaunting his sexuality, drinking in excess. Oh yes, as always he had been watching the man, but instead of disgust he was becoming consumed with jealously.

            Too tired to think about it he left the room, leaving the cleaning up for hotel staff who had agreed to do it as part of the booking fee and found Toshiya sitting in the bar. A genuine smile crossed his features and whilst he was aware he must look like an idiot he couldn't make the smile go away.

            “You waited here?” Kaoru asked, “I thought you'd gone home.”

            “Blisters.” Was the only answer Toshiya gave before climbing to his feet, the offending shoes in his hand.

            “Well if you would dance with everyone,” Kaoru muttered, “I assume you want to talk over the business plan?”

            “Yeah, that's why I stayed.” Toshiya admitted as he limped after Kaoru towards the lift, freezing before it. Was he really still so afraid?

            “The stairs are for fire use only,” Kaoru apologised and Toshiya nodded nervously. “I'm sorry, I won't...”

            “No, it's not your fault I'm still afraid,” Toshiya reassured him. “If you want to repeat what happened though, well not in the lift, but elsewhere.”

            “I'm not,” Kaoru began before catching curious eyes on them. Without another word they stepped in the lift, getting dirty looks from an old couple at Toshiya's lack of footwear. At least he was still wearing his shirt and trousers, far more clothes than Kaoru wanted to see on him.

            They reached his floor first and they left the grumbling couple behind as he led the way, unlocking a door and allowing Toshiya into the room, surprised to see a small package on the table that hadn't been there before.

            “You should open it,” Toshiya said, his smile giving away exactly who had arranged for the gift to be left here. Carefully he opened the small box to find a rather expensive looking pen. “I would have got you more, if I'd known.”

            “You shouldn't have bought me anything, I have nothing to give to you.” Kaoru apologised.

            “You can pay for our photo to be printed,” Toshiya reassured him. “So, what is it exactly you were trying to ask me?”

            “We can't go on as we are now,” Kaoru replied, he'd had more than enough time to think this through during the night. “It's hurting you and my life has become constant thinking about you, or trying to not think about you. So, risks and all, I think I have to try and have a relationship with you. Only, it may not work, you might be hurt. I might find, on second look, I don't enjoy being with you at all, I-”

            “Every new relationship is a risk,” Toshiya interrupted. “Stop over thinking, just feel.”

            “Easy for you to say,” Kaoru replied, “You just do whatever you like, when you like.”

            “I take risks, I get hurt over and over again, but I have no regrets,” Toshiya corrected. “Except one. Not finishing my dance with you before.”

            “Which?” Kaoru asked but as music began to play from Toshiya's phone he smiled, “Ah, that one.”

            “This one.” Toshiya agreed, his arms wrapping around Kaoru's neck as he began to dance, this time without any worries what Kaoru might think.

 

            Toshiya's heart raced as he felt Kaoru against him, his body rubbing against his partner in the most erotic of ways. Could he do this? He had the confidence but he didn't want to scare Kaoru away, not when he was finally coming around to the idea that he might actually enjoy being with men.

            Taking the plunge, he began to strip, starting with his shirt and allowing Kaoru to appreciate his muscles before returning to his dance that had become little more than grinding, two hard erections rubbing against each other through layers of cloth. The song reached its end but Toshiya didn't need it anymore. The rhythm was in his soul and so his hand reached between them, letting the back of his fingers brush against Kaoru as he undid the zip. Trousers landed by the shirt, arms wrapping back around Kaoru's neck and lips meeting in a passionate, needy kiss.

            “So, did you think to bring protection?” Toshiya teased. He was going all the way tonight, just as long as Kaoru stayed on his train.

            “Damn it,” Kaoru swore. With a laugh Toshiya retrieved a condom and a small tube of lube from his abandoned clothes.

            “Lucky for you, you're with a slut,” He teased. Seeing fear in Kaoru's eyes at the lube he added, “Don't worry, you'll be the one taking me.”

            “I shouldn't have called you that, it was cruel.” Kaoru apologised.

            “And perhaps a little bit true. Well I haven't been with anybody since then. I guess I’ve been waiting for you?” Toshiya said, though at the time he hadn't really thought about why he had chosen a prolonged abstinence. He'd certainly had opportunities, only he had never accepted them. 

            “What if,” Kaoru began.

            “No, enough worrying.” Toshiya said forcing Kaoru's hands onto his hips. “Going to finish undressing me?”

            “Naturally.” Kaoru agreed, allowing his lips to kiss Toshiya again as he stripped the other naked, feeling the flesh against him. Bemused by Kaoru's innocence, something that didn't suit him but wouldn't last long, Toshiya dropped to his knees and freed Kaoru's eager length.

            “Oh, I like.” Toshiya exclaimed over enthusiastically. Though that was just his nature and Kaoru's erection was beautiful. Not the biggest he had, not the widest, but smooth and hard and a perfect shape. Kaoru wasn't lacking anything downstairs, that was for certain.

            “Didn't I once overhear you say there wasn't a cock you didn't like?” Kaoru teased.

            “Lies.” Toshiya replied, though he had said that, frequently. With a soft touch he wrapped his lips around the tip of Kaoru's length, running his tongue over the slit, experimenting with his mouth what he hoped to have inside him very soon. The lack of men in his life didn't suit him, but he had one now, if only he could keep him.

            “Oh, you're good.” Kaoru moaned, his voice causing Toshiya to look up and see the pure ecstasy on Kaoru's face. He swallowed more of the length, tasting every inch with his tongue before pulling away and taking the lube to the bed with him

            “I'm going to prepare myself for you,” Toshiya explained. “Because it's important to do this right and I'm not in the mood to teach you. I need you so bad.”

            “I need you too.” Kaoru confessed, his eyes widening as Toshiya's lube coated fingers slid into his eager body. Why did this feel so much like the story of a virgin and a whore? Well Toshiya knew how to play whore very well and continued to stretch himself, accepting Kaoru's kiss as it came. His body craving this man above him so much he felt like he would explode if he didn't get to feel him inside himself.

            “Remember the lift?” Toshiya whispered as his free hand stroked Kaoru's hair. “What you pretended to do for me?”

            “I didn't pretend. I wanted to scare you, it was wrong.” Kaoru apologised.

            “Not entirely. I want you to do that to me again, for real this time.” Toshiya explained.

            “You like it rough,” Kaoru remembered. “You weren't joking?”

            “No, I really did enjoy that,” Toshiya admitted. “Though, that time your presence was terrifying. Is it wrong to be scared and full of lust all at the same time?”

            “That's how I feel now.” Kaoru said, his laugh making Toshiya smile.

            “Don't hold back.” Toshiya ordered, sliding off the bed and getting a good grip of the metal foot guard on the bed as his eyes devoured the sight of Kaoru stripping away his clothes and covering that perfect erection with a layer of protection.

            Hesitantly Kaoru moved behind him and Toshiya let go of the desire for this to be rough. Kaoru wasn't going to be able to do that, not tonight as he was still wrapped up in his own guilt, which was why it was a shock when a strong hand slapped his ass.

            “You're nothing but a slut, look at you begging for it.” Kaoru snapped, sending shivers down Toshiya's spine.

            “I need you, please.” Toshiya gasped, sticking out his ass just as the hand connected with his skin again.

            “Of course you do,” Kaoru agreed, “You want to feel my cock in you? Shall I fuck you until you scream?”

            “Yes!” Toshiya exclaimed as Kaoru's erection pressed against his ass, sliding over the skin and then it was penetrating him. Not forcefully, but without hesitation. Strong fingers gripped into the skin on his hips, pulling him backwards and then Kaoru truly let go, his body moving harder and faster than Toshiya could have ever hoped for. Every forward thrust seemed to hit a different bundle of nerves, the pleasure intensified by the pain of Kaoru's grip. This was his motivation every time he had masturbated after Kaoru had pinned him to the lift, but the reality was like nothing he could have imagined.

            Kaoru slowed as he leant over Toshiya's eager body, his teeth grazing over Toshiya's neck, nipping sharply as he thrust forward and this time Toshiya almost did scream. This was worth every insult, every dirty look, every painful moment Kaoru had caused. If he'd known at the time it would all lead to this, he would have begged for more then too.

            “Take me harder.” Toshiya begged and somehow Kaoru found it in himself to do just that. Their bodies slamming together so hard Toshiya could only cling to the bed so as not to fall to the floor. He was at Kaoru's mercy, but hadn't he always been?

            “I'm going to cum.” Kaoru warned.

            “Go for it.” Toshiya got out as Kaoru stilled, twitching inside Toshiya as he filled the condom, his hand reaching underneath to wrap around Toshiya's length and give him the release he so desperately needed.

 

            “How did you learn to be so rough?” Toshiya asked, as he lay beside Kaoru on the large bed, his body practically glowing in bliss. Kaoru had never seen him look so happy and content. It wasn't like when Toshiya pranced about the office desperate for attention. This was an honest smile. Toshiya trusted him completely which was just fine. In fact he could get used to this.

            “I had a girlfriend who enjoyed this kind of thing too,” Kaoru confessed. Actually she had been a real pain addict, pushing even Kaoru out of his comfort zone until he had no choice to break up with her. “Though, how far do you usually go?”

            “With someone I trust?” Toshiya asked. “Not quite into S&M territory. I like it hard mainly, to have my lover dominate me. That's what I crave.”

            “That I can do,” Kaoru promised, taking the initiative and kissing Toshiya. “Seeing as you've been so honest, I don't know what I want from this. I'm questioning everything I thought I liked in the bedroom but there is one thing I think I can safely say I want from you.”

            “My body?” Toshiya teased.

            “Your mouth, pleasuring me as I relax. Asking for nothing in return,” Kaoru confessed. “I'm rather selfish in that respect.”

            “Let's see what I can do then.” Toshiya said and with a wink he disappeared beneath the sheets, giving Kaoru his second gay experience of the night. This was one hell of a Christmas party and he prayed that there would be many more to come.


End file.
